My Friend Isabelle

Feb04
2012 34 Comments Written by Kenny


My Friend Isabelle

Posted on July 16, 2011

My Friend Isabelle

Eliza Woloson
Bryan Gough, illustrator
Woodbine House, 2003
Hardcover $14.95
1-890627-50-X

 

Ages: 2-6
Concern: Friendships, Down syndrome
Tips: Great for preschoolers as the focus is on friendship
Illustrating Inclusion
A Talk With Children’s Book Author Eliza Woloson

When Eliza Woloson talks, we need to listen.

Woloson, a Boulder mother, is talking about differences. And she wants all of us to talk about it too. To start the conversation, she’s written a book, “My Friend Isabelle.” This charming picture book lovingly shows the tender friendship between her daughter Isabelle and her friend Charlie. Like most friends, they enjoy each other’s company. On their weekly play date they eat snacks, go to the park, and play together. They are very much alike.

Though the same age, they are also different-one is fast, the other slow, one is tall, the other short, and one happens to have Down syndrome.

Woloson never tells the reader that Isabelle has Down syndrome. Parents learn this fact from the back cover. She gracefully shows that everyone is different and that differences are not impediments to forming friendships. Woloson’s message is that differences are what make friendships interesting.

And it’s what she wants to talk about. “We need ways to talk to all of our kids about differences, “ she said. “Parents don’t know how to talk to their kids about people who have special needs. “

Woloson encourages parents and educators to use her book to facilitate discussions about differences. On the inside of the back cover, she writes a note to parents, “Through their friendship, Charlie and Isabelle are doing their small part in making the world a more tolerant place.”

Kids are naturally curious about differences, especially the ones they can see. Parents need to be open to their children’s curiosity so they can answer their questions, “Why does he look like that?” or “Why does she talk funny?” Parents can simply answer without judgment by saying things such as, “He was born that way”, “We all have things that are hard for us, it’s hard for her to talk, walk, whatever. Can you think of something that’s hard for you?”

Woloson also want to see parents who do have kids with special needs learn how to talk about their differences with other children and adults. “We need to know what we want to say, what we want people to know about us and our children.” We inadvertently teach prejudice when we don’t talk about our differences or ignore the person in a wheelchair next to us or teach pity for the poor crippled kid. The hardest ones to talk about are the kids who look normal but have behavioral and social issues. We need to talk about those kinds of differences too.

Gough’s gentle illustrations complement Woloson’s sparse text. Soft sweeps of color are given shape with pencil outlines giving both children a realistic whimsy. Though they look very simple, there is movement and expression.

From Charlie’s perspective, and hopefully readers, Isabelle is not defined by Down syndrome- it is just part of who she is, along with being a good friend to Charlie. Let’s talk about making that an attitude we all can all share.

Nearly every classroom in America has a child with some kinds of special need or learning disability. If young children read books like these in preschool and kindergarten, perhaps the world would be as Charlie says, “more fun with friends like Isabelle.”

Who do you want to talk too?



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A Story About Autism

Feb04
2012 20 Comments Written by Kenny


A Story About Autism

Posted on July 16, 2011

Ian’s Walk: A Story about Autism
Laurie Lears
Illustrated by Karen Ritz
Albert Whitman & Company, 1998
ISBN 0-8075-3480-3

Ages: 4-8

Challenges: Autism and being with someone who has autism
Tip: Beautifully illustrated this book can launch a discussion about how everyone has strong likes and dislikes.

Ian’s two big sisters decide to take Ian, who has autism, on a walk. At the diner, he watches the fan circling around the ceiling. He isn’t interested in ice cream or a soda. He sniffs the brick wall at the post office but won’t smell the lilacs his sister shows him. Ian insists upon eating his baggie of dry cereal one by one while his sisters urge him to get pizza. At the park, he flaps his hands and then, when the girls go get pizza for themselves, he wanders off.

The girls frantically ask everyone but no one has seen him. One sister closes her eyes and tries to think like Ian. When she hears the park bell ringing, she is sure it’s him. Relieved to have found him, they are more tolerant of his brick-sniffing and fan-watching on the way home. The final line, when Ian gives his sister a slight smile, is important to making Ian seem like a whole child and not just a weird one.

A good introduction to classic autism, Ian’s Walk portrays Ian has someone who has interests, tastes, and desires, they just look a lot different than most peoples. His sisters also show a range of reactions to Ian, they are embarrassed by him, frustrated by him and also worried about him but most of all, they accept him as their brother. They are the ones who want to take Ian for a walk; their mother makes sure they feel it is a choice and not an obligation. This is a realistic picture of a family living with autism.





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The Face At The Window

Feb04
2012 18 Comments Written by Kenny




The Face At The Window

Posted on July 16, 2011

The Face at the Window
Regina Hanson
Illustrated by Linda Saport
Houghton Mifflin, 1997
ISBN 0-395-78625-8

Ages: 6-9
Challenges: mental illness, cultural differences

Tips: Though set in Jamaica, metal illness is part of all cultures. Consider how different cultures react to it. In this story, the mentally ill woman is seen as having magical powers. How do we view mental illness?

Sometimes we can understand differences better when they are filtered through different lenses. Hanson sets Dora, a young girl, in Jamaica, where their neighbor, Miss Nella, suffers from untreated mental illness.

Miss Nella is feared among the children; they believe that if a child looks upon her face in the windrow, something terrible will happen. Though Dora’s parents have told her that Miss Nella is sick, she believes her friends. After trying to steal Miss Nella’s mangoes, she sees Miss Nella’s face in the window. She runs home after her friends tease her and that night it starts to rain. When it doesn’t let up for days, she believes it’s because of her bad deed and she finally tells her parents what happened. They explain that Miss Nella is not an evil sorcerer, just an old women whose mind plays tricks on her. As the three walk to Miss Nella’s for Dora to apologize, she learns her parents had good memories of her and that Miss Nella knows who they are. Dora starts to see the neighbor woman as a person and offers her a small gift.

Rich with vibrant pastel illustrations, an authentic island setting, and the use of speech patterns to evoke the Jamaican culture, Hanson gives readers a unique view of mental illness. Through young Dora, whose own mind plays tricks on her, we see how rumors create separation and fear. When Dora, with the help of her attentive parents, faces her fears, she finds her own compassion. This is a lovely book on many levels- from how different cultures view mental illness, to how we can cultivate compassion by learning to look at our own faces in the window.





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Living With Differences

Feb04
2012 41 Comments Written by Kenny


Living with Differences

Posted on July 16, 2011

In the first week at my daughter’ inclusive preschool (half kids with special needs, half “typical” kids) the parents smiled thinly at each other as we tried to figure out who had the kids with disabiliities and who didn’t. No one knew how to begin a conversation- we were afraid of offending each other.

I called a meeting so we could introduce each other and our kids. In thirty minutes, everything changed, we found our common ground- we were all parents raising preschoolers. Some of us had children who loved music, couldn’t use the bathroom yet, or screamed when someone got too close. And some of us had kids with disabilities.

Later that same week, I went to a workshop for parents raising kids with special needs. Three of the mothers had kids with severe disabilities; kids who would never walk, talk or go on sleepovers. Three others had children born with Down syndrome. One mother had two kids on the autism spectrum and another had a blind toddler. Several others were like me, my daughter looks normal but she isn’t.

Like so many parents whose kids live with “invisible” disabilities such as sensory integration issues, learning disabilities, attention disorders, mental illness, and general delays, we face the challenge of raising kids who look “normal” but behave inappropriately or immaturely. We are often the ones most judged as “bad” parents.

We all knew a lot about how to be with our own children but we were unsure how to be with each other’s. One mom whose ten-year old son is immobile was asked to watch a child with autism who ran all over the place. She had no idea what to do. Since we had our common ground safely beneath us, we could talk about the differences even within this small community. If it’s hard for us to figure out-imagine how difficult it is for “normal” families to know how to talk to us, much less truly understand what it is like to raise a child with special needs.

When I hear or read honest stories about living with disabilities, I am reminded that the common ground we share is that first and foremost, we are all parents; doing the best we can whether we are taking our kids to soccer games or to speech therapy. If we all relate to each other as parents first, then we can begin a relationship that is based on real understanding, honest interest, and open dialogue. Now that would be truly inclusive.

In our neighborhoods, at our schools, and in the grocery store, are families whose lives are touched by a child with a disability; actually, it’s over 20 million families in the United States. We often don’t know who they are or how to interact with them. We stare, trying to figure out what’s wrong with their child. We avoid eye contact. We leave them alone, convincing ourselves that they don’t want to be bothered. Or we judge then for not controlling their child. Here’s the truth- on bad days, we don’t want to talk to strangers; we don’t want to explain our children. On good days, we are happy to educate other parents about our child and our lives. And we want to be seen as the loving parents that we are. The burden of having a child with special needs is political as well as personal. We want to be able to go out in public with our children but it is not always easy for us. We don’t want pity or even help. We do want compassion and accessibility.

How do you introduce yourself to someone who has a child with special needs or a child with different needs than your own?
* Look for something you have in common. If you’re at the park swinging your toddler and you notice the child next to you has Down’s syndrome, open with something like, “I can’t keep a hat on my kid either” or “What cute shoes, where did you get them?” or the easiest of all “What’s your name?” (ask the child, even if she or he can’t speak).

* Avoid asking how old the child is. Almost all of our kids with special needs are behind developmentally and comparing by age is a tender issue. When my daughter was a toddler, I often told people at the park or store, that she was younger that she was-it was more to protect my own heart than hers.

*Use people-first language. Please don’t call our childern, “that Down’s kid, or that disabled kid.” Put the kid first, the disability second or third, or 20th. We do.

So when you see me or another parent like me, introduce yourself. We might have more in common than you think, and so could our children.





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Is It Fun, Meaningful And Sustainable

Feb04
2012 47 Comments Written by Kenny


Is It Fun, Meaningful and Sustainable?

Posted on July 16, 2011

This is the question I ask parents and professionals I work with, groups I facilitate, programs I create, and with my own family. Living and working with people of all kinds of ages, abilities, temperaments and roles, requires organization, respect, clear agreements and boundaries, and defined goals. By using these three qualities as the foundation for successful collaboration, we can make decision that support the health, growth, and outcome for people and for the systems we work within. Today, I’ll talk about the three qualities.

Is it fun?

One thing I’ve learned from living and working with so many people who have ADHD, is that many of them like to keep things lively. It’s what gets my teenaged son into trouble at school and at home. While I am trying to teach him to find acceptable ways to make class time more interesting, he does bring a certain spark to the room. As an adult, fun means being present in a positive, enthusiastic way. At times, it could mean silly, or goofy, or playful. But it’s much deeper than that. Ask if whatever you are doing is fun by asking:

• Is it engaging?
• Does it make you feel alive?
• Are your senses heightened?

• Do you lose track of time and worry?

Then it’s fun.

Is it meaningful?

This is the heart of what is important. Everyone, whatever their abilities, has a fundamental need to matter. Until we have a sense of belonging, we have difficulty learning and collaborating. If we can’t learn or work together, then we feel badly about ourselves. If we feel badly about ourselves, we don’t feel worthy as people and a negative cycle is created. Belonging gives us a place to feel meaningful. When we belong, we are contributing to the group. Our involvement matters. We matter.

Is it sustainable?

In order to keep doing the work it takes to be present and have fun, to belong and be meaningful, our efforts have to be sustainable. Great ideas are important but without sustainable implementation, it won’t work. It’s sort of like New Years’ Resolutions, if we try to do too much, such as start a new diet and start exercising, we are usually asking for too much and can’t sustain the effort it takes to change. Start with what is sustainable.

When I was the PTA president at my kids’ school, I used these three themes to direct all my decisions. I wanted our monthly meetings to be worth attending. So I set up a structure to run the meetings in that always included time for every voice to be heard (meaningful), time to pause and be present often in a whimsical way (fun) and each meeting followed the same basic format (sustainable). The school still uses that structure.

I also ask these questions when I talk to parents about their child’s school experience. I encourage them to reframe their IEP goals and meetings around the question of if what we are doing/offering engagement, connection and continuity?

Each of these questions needs to be answered by the student as well. Remember we can’t do it for our kids, but need to do it with our kids.

• Does the student feel they belong?
• Do they engage in meaningful activities throughout their day?
• Is fun defined by being pulled out of class for a special ed field trip or by doing experiments in science lab?
• Can the student sustain the effort to participate and learn?
• Can the adults working with the student sustain the effort to provide meaningful participation and engaging learning?
• Are the goals and objectives consistent with a long-term vision of community involvement?
• Do those involved feel heard, valued, and respected?

How do you ensure your team’s efforts are fun, meaningful, and sustainable?




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Parent Tip 1 – Preparing For An IEP

Feb04
2012 26 Comments Written by Kenny


Parent Tip 1 Preparing for an IEP

Posted on July 16, 2011

Years of advocacy work have given me a bagful of tips I offer to parents to be more prepared to participate in their child’s IEP. This is the first tip in this series I will post on this blog.

Tip # 1 – Write a ‘parent report’
All the other professionals will write a report. Your voice should be included in your child’s file. I believe that every parent should present their report just like all the other professionals do and take time to do a thorough, meaningful assessment of their child through their own eyes.

I have found that the most effective presentation is one page. Put your child’s name and birthday on the top along with the parent’s names and the date. Open with a short paragraph giving an overall picture of your child. Then make a bulleted list in four categories – 1) Strengths, 2) Interests, 3) Needs, and 4) Friendships.

Even though I have worked with the same team for several years, I always provide a parent report at every annual or triennial IEP meeting. My daughter changes and I want the adults working with her to remember that and use my information to adjust their teaching strategies to support her strengths. They may know she likes to sing but I can tell them that she is learning the songs from Annie and learning about orphans and adoption. When they do a social study unit on families, she has awareness of different kinds of families.

When we met for Sabrina’s triennial in second grade, her assessments showed she was over a year behind academically. We weren’t surprised but it did make us consider every accommodation available to help support her. I used my parent report to remind them of her strengths and interests. I wanted to encourage them to use some new accommodations that drew from her interests to help learn to read and write.




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